Gee, I hear that Rush Limbaugh is dead of lung cancer…
…couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy!
“What’s wrong with America today? Well, folks, that’s easy, I can tell you in one word. I’ll spell it out for you, in case you had a public education:
Yes, those Commie-mollycoddling, lying, cheating, left-wing Maoist-Lenninist leaning, Clinton-loving, Negro-embracing, Hillary-voting, Obama-electing sellouts, those traitors, those political degenerates, those CLOSET SOCIALISTS! Why, I hate them worse than I hate the Russians, and why shouldn’t I? They can’t even make good vodka, and they don’t smoke Havana cigars, like me! And if you heard a paradox there, tough. Get a life, snowflake!
Yeah, I’m Rush, and with Newt Gingrich, I almost single-handedly weaponized Republicanism and turned it from a party of common-sense conservatives into a party of vicious, frothing hate-mongers, people who would kill their own grandmother and be happy about it if she voted for a Dumb-O-Crap, people who would spit on anyone who wasn’t white, or at least didn’t agree with me, and do you know what?
THAT WOULD BE THE RIGHT THING TO DO, BECAUSE I LOVE AMERICA THE WAY IT WAS BEFORE 1860, WHEN A WHITE MAN WAS STILL KING AND DIDN’T HAVE TO CURTSY TO FEMINAZIS AND BOW TO COLORED FOLK OF LOWER RANK, AND IF YOU DON’T, WHY DON’T YOU GET THE HELL OUT AND MOVE TO SOMEPLACE LIKE NORTH KOREA, WHERE THEY APPRECIATE PEOPLE LIKE YOU, YOU FAGGOTY SCUMBUCKETS! SUCK MY DICK, LIBERALS, AND YOU BETTER SMILE WHILE YOU DO OR I’LL MAKE IT EVEN WORSE FOR YOU THAN I ALREADY HAVE.”
(I made this up, but it’s pretty typical of Limberger’s, I mean Limbaugh’s, screed. He was too smart to use curse words or profanity, but you knew what he meant… dog whistle, anyone?)
I don’t believe in gods, an afterlife, or hell…
…but right now, I wish I did! Some ice water, Rush? Looks like you could use it… you’re sweatier than a pimp watching a pole dancer… oh, sorry, they don’t allow that here! Have some “blood with burning turpentine,” as the Black poet Vachel Lindsay described, and you better enjoy it, motherfucker, ’cause that’s all you’re going to get for all eternity.
SOURCES: “The Ballad of Simon Legree,” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlV0ZQ8u7DU, and Theodore Robert as the character Simon Legree in the 1927 silent film of Uncle Tom’s Cabin, directed by Harry A. Pollard. Photo of Limbaugh, AP/Julie Smith, Buffalo News