Me, on No Kings Day, trying to look like a genuine Antifa member! Note, I mis-spelled “Fascist”! Good thing I didn’t feel well enough to attend the rally, with that shirt on, I’d have lost my posting to the Central Committee!
What follows is an utterly true, insanely compelling, and totally unbiased report to my Russian translator, known here for his protection only by his initials A.R., of what has happened to me since last Sunday evening that is of some significant medical note!
I say “unbiased” even though I write here about my own experiences, not because I think I can be seriously objective, but because this didn’t make the local news the way it did when, for instance, the celebrated primatologist Dr. Jane Goodall kicked the bucket recently, and if I don’t write about the shit that happens to me, who the fuck will?
I’m not naive enough to think that anybody else gives a rat’s ass about what’s going on here at Casa Galla del Delfino, aside from my scant friends and my money-grubbing family, all of whom are only awaiting my ultimate demise so they can divvy up Brenner Industries and my other significant holdings in painkiller pharmaceutical precursors, cluster bomb manufacturers, North Slope oil holdings, Sea Whirled Kuwait, and of course my secret whaling fleet, which I bought cheap after Aristotle Onassis died!
But after a night with no sleep, some rum and a bit — okay, more than a bit, a couple of joints of pot — I wrote A.R. this letter to inform him on these changes with my health, and then realized that if I didn’t post it here, on WordPress, I’d be kind of stupid not to inform you, my legions of slavering, demanding fans, of my impending, but hopefully uncertain and far-off demise!
Because if you really want an autographed or, Godz 4bid, DEDICATED copy of “Wet Goddess” or “Mel-Khyor,” the time to get one is, perhaps, soon? It’s not that I don’t trust my beloved daughter Thea, she of the sometimes-purple hair, to keep publishing the books after I die, if she sees any money or benefit in it, it’s just that I don’t think, even with electronic amplification, that hooking up an Auto-Pen to a Quija board is going to deliver the results you want! Just saying. Now, the letter…
Hey A*****, here’s some news that may move you to contact: I was just in a local hospital for 2 days! And let me level with you, it was no fun at all! A hospital may be a place to get tested, diagnosed, treated and healed, but is is no place to get well! That is best done at home, or some place where you can relax. In the hospital, you can’t relax unless you are so sick, that is your only option! But as usual, I digress:
Last Sunday evening, right around sunset, I was out walking my dog Epic around the block, which my house sits on the SW corner of. We had gone about 3/4 of the way, and were on the home stretch, when it felt like a gale-force wind, or some invisible thing, struck my right side, pushing me HARD to the left! But there was no wind! I staggered, and found I could no longer walk a straight line; I was zig-zagging like Trump awaiting Putin in Alaska! I dragged the mutt home as fast as I could, about 30 meters at that point, and once we were inside I looked in the bathroom mirror. The left side of my mouth was drooping down, even when I tried to smile.
These were all signs of a possible stroke. In her last years, my poor mother suffered a lot of small but incapacitating strokes, and I was familiar with the symptoms. I called my friend Dave, who lives about 30 minutes away (13 miles, 21 km), and arranged for him to take care of Epic while I got myself to the local ER of the better of two hospitals in town. I gathered up the necessities of aged life — glasses, my apnea-preventing CPAP sleep machine, cell phone and charger, dentures and Fix-O-Dent — stuffed them in a carry bag and called an ambulance by dialing 911, the American number for the nearest emergency dispatcher.
When it showed up in about 5 minutes, I reassured Epic (who has some serious abandonment issues) that I’d be back, and walked out to meet the ambulance. The EMT’s strapped me down on a gurney, even though the hospital is only 1/2 mile – 0.8 km away, and one started unwrapping a needle to insert a catheter in a prominent vein in the inner elbow of my left arm — all this while we were driving to the hospital.
“Couldn’t you wait until we get there?” I asked the EMT who was playing Dracula.
He looked at me with a rather bored but nevertheless professional expression and said, “We do this all the time. We know what we’re doing.” SKRRRRICH! He drove the needle in.
When we arrived I was wheeled directly into the ER room where X-rays and other non-invasive diagnostic techniques are done. An ER doctor on duty gave me a blood thinner and anti-coagulant, and after a short exam by CAT scan, I was listening to a preliminary diagnosis from a remote neurologist on TV, and feeling very much like the protagonist in a low-budget sci-fi movie!
(Me, hospitalized and not looking quite as sharp as usual. Must’ve been a fingerprint on the lens of my iPhone!)
Although my symptoms were those of a stroke, there was no gross evidence of one that would show up on a CAT scan; a more detailed diagnosis would have to await Monday, when they could do a detailed MRI scan. They kept me overnight, and I barely got any sleep at all, because that goddamn catheter hurt! I asked my nurse to move it, but he didn’t get to it until the next day.
Well, long story short, they not only did the MRI scan Monday, I also got a chest echogram, an EKG, and echograms of my carotid arteries on both sides of my neck. They were looking for any irregularity that might have caused the presumed blood clot in my brain, but they came up empty handed. Much to the disappointment of many of my harshest critics, I turned out to be disgustingly normal.
A very nice woman neurologist came by eventually to explain what they thought it was: a Transient Ischemic Attack, or T.I.A.. No, this has nothing to do with Radical Islam, “ischemic” means not getting proper blood supply. I probably did have a “mini-stroke,” but my circulatory system then got up off the mat and proceeded to beat the snot out of the blood clot, which broke up and was promptly flushed away. Those blood clots, they can dish it out, but they can’t take it when the tables are turned! GRRRRRR!
I agreed that that explained my symptoms, which had gradually waned, and I’d recovered most of my ability to walk again without support by Monday afternoon. After another night of observation, the doctors agreed it was safe to release me back into the game preserve.
The scenic view from my hospital room window. The doctors here believe this view of Mother Nature promotes healing — but then again, they still use leeches, too. The park design is Modern Industrial, a look that is Brutalist, and not that different from the industrial mining town where my translator was trying to sell in a failing appliance store before he came across Wet Goddess,and the rest, as they say, is Great Russian Literature! Count Leo Tolstoy, Anton Checkov, Franz Kafka, eat your hearts out!
I had to catch a Lyft ride to get home, as it was too far for Dave to drive that day, and when the Lyft driver arrived, I got into his car without a shirt. Dave had visited me in the hospital the day before, and thinking of poor Epic sitting at home not knowing when or whether I was ever going to return, I gave him my T-shirt so she could smell it and know I was still above ground.
Walking the dog again that afternoon, I was astonished by the vibrancy of the sky, the glory of the beams of sunlight drawing water through the clouds, the lushness of the greenery all around me and the nicely ordered houses.
Nothing like a little brush with death to make you appreciate life, eh? I’m OK, but I’ve got a whole new list of medications, a new diet that basically eliminates everything I like to eat, and a couple of new specialist MDs, a cardiologist and a neurologist. Oh joy!
Well, our governor, Ron De Santis, has said “Florida is where WOKE comes to die!” I know you were trying to express your false dreams for the death of social responsibility, Ron, but let’s face it: SO DOES EVERYTHING ELSE!
Thus concludes for now my tale, A****. Tell me of your life, if you will! Or tell me to get lost. Just tell me something, OK? Thanks! — Malcolm
My sincerest thanks to the doctors, nursing staff, technicians, administration, and everyone else on Floor 4, HCA Fawcett Hospital, Port Charlotte, who took pretty damn good care of me while I was there, and put up with all my dumb Boomer-Age jokes! You’re a great bunch, and believe me, there’s no other place I’d rather be sick than with all of you around! — MjB
ABOVE: My good friend Raving Dave gave me the Balsa Toucan, a former decoration of his palatial mobile home, and I chose the empty spot over the doorway. Little did I know that the Great Blue Heron, wading on the wall over my shoulder, would grow insanely jealous of the ornithological competition he now faced! The argument was about who had the better beak.
“My beak is sharp and deadly, and I can spear fish, amphibians, reptiles and even small mammals with it,” the GBH crowed. “Everyone better watch out for this death-dealing beak!”
To which the Toucan replied, “My beak eats fruit, doesn’t kill anybody, is charmingly colorful, and people think I’m a feathered comedian! HA! Go fuck yourself, you pompous, death-dealing excuse for a toothless sauropod! All the little critters fear you, but humans LOVE me!”
So far, the argument has not reached a definitive conclusion, and I have to listen to old 1970’s hits to tune it out. Any suggestions?
AmericanPresident Donald J. Trump, 34-count convicted felon and sexual offender, glares angrily from his mug shot. Photographer: Some Fulton County, Georgia, cop!
The one certain thing you can say about President Donald Trump is that he changes his mind more often than he changes his diaper!
The Prez thinks it’s fun to have his $$-multi-billion Navy, built to battle Soviet submarines, blow up Venezuelan fishing boats on the high seas! Gee, what WAS in those white bags aboard the first boat, the one Trump said was loaded with fentanyl and Tren De Aragua drug dealers, headed for our shores? We’ll never know, but it doesn’t matter, because YOU’RE A MADE MAN NOW, Presidente El T.A.C.O!
In preparation for the 2026 mid-term elections, Trump thoughtfully sends National Guard troops into predominantly Black-run cities to maintain law and order, preserve the peace and MOST IMPORTANTLY, to keep the minorities from exercising their voting rights, STUPIDLY assured them by a damn fool WOKE Congress in 1964!
Secretary of Health RFK Jr. thinks he feels the tapeworm moving… again.
Having bravely faced down the COVID-19 virus with Operation Warp Speed in 2019, Trump appoints RFK Jr., a man with a dead pork tape worm rotting in his brain, which he got from carelessly dining in an East Indian slop house, to be Secretary of Health! RFK Jr., in turn, reports that he has finally determined the mysterious cause of autism! Trump announces it — “aceto… asseto… ackeeto… how do you pronounce that? TYLENOL!” (Note: widely disproved by actual science.)
California Gov. Newsome congratulates Steven Miller on being cast as Voldemort! He’s a dead ringer… no pun intended!
Angry gangs of masked, heavily armed thugs, fearing no retribution, roam the streets of major American cities, grabbing people, some of them innocent American citizens who happen to be slightly darker than me, some foreign nationals with protected visa status but funny-sounding last names, and force them at gunpoint into unmarked vans, then imprison them in places like Alligator Alcatraz for days without communication, only to fly them to impossibly hostile foreign countries where they don’t speak the language and are held for ransom… oh, EXCUSE ME! That’s just Immigration and Customs Enforcement (I.C.E.) agents acting on orders of Steve Miller, Voldemort look-alike and new White House Chief of Policy, trying scrape up his MANDATORY DAILY QUOTA of 3,000 “illegal criminal aliens,” the so-called “WORST OF THE WORST” (or anybody who’s not, you know, sort of white-ish) to prosecute and deport, because we all know that the Democrats just let ILLEGALS come here in droves because they always vote Lunatic Lefty!
Vitriolic Charlie Kirk got his dumb ass shot dead, so now Trump wants to canonize him as the Patron Saint of Irrational Race Hatred, Misogyny and Indifference to the Suffering of Others. MAGA endorses it! The Pope, however, doesn’t. Shame!
MEANWHILE…
CBS Comic Stephen Colbert got his show cancelled for not being nice enough to Herr Drumpf, and for calling him bad, bad — they were, really, the WORST EVER — BAD names, and now Cinderella’s fairy godmother ABC has sprinkled Disney dust on Jimmy Kimmel, and made him go bye-bye, just like El T.A.C.O. Presidenté SAID HE WOULD! Wow… self-fulfilling prophecy, or what? Meanwhile, millions of previously faithful Disney viewers have cancelled their channel subscriptions, upset that the most powerful entertainment complex in the whole world is puckering up to KISS TRUMP’S ASS, costing Disney $$ millions! Unexpected consequences, Walt?
Pam Bondi, a fake blonde with fake brains but a huge loyalty to Herr Drumpf, receives an email from Da Prez, exhorting her to speed up the imprisonment of LIBERALS, ANY LIBERALS, she can dream up charges against! Especially the ones that really hurt him bad a decade ago, that he’s NEVER gotten over, like Hillary! Hunter! Schumer! Comey! Barr! Biden! Bolton! And the millions of deluded American voters who still believe the Demon-Rats Big Lie that TRUMP LOST THE 2020 ELECTION, so he just HAD to sic his mob of vicious, cop-beating deplorables on the Capitol, making every Republican in Congress who had previously supported him run like a scared chicken to the basement bomb shelter, after which they all denounced him… THEN, two weeks later, KISSED HIS ASS!
THIS JUST IN: Israeli bombs continue to fall on innocent Palestinians in Gaza, 65,000, mostly women and children, now dead. America announces $6 billion arms deal with the IDF! Keep the ordnance coming, Prez, and the Military-Industrial Complex will continue to support you! Precise but indiscriminate Russian cruise missiles kill children, soldiers and the elderly alike in Ukraine, while Trump diddles with Putin, granting him extensions during which he will murder more Ukrainians, and maybe some Poles or Moldovans, too, just for the heck of it!
…AND NOW PASSING THE ORBIT OF JUPITER, A HUGE… NOT COMET, NOT ASTEROID OR METEOR, NOT A BIRD, NOT A PLANE, NOT EVEN SUPERMAN, BUT SOMETHING…WEIRD, ANCIENT, POSSIBLY ARTIFICIAL AND GLOWING LIKE AN H.I.D. HEADLIGHT IS HEADED TOWARD THE INNER SOLAR SYSTEM, WHERE IT WILL SURVEY MARS, VENUS AND JUPITER! BUT EARTH WILL NOT BE IGNORED… FOR THIS IS THE ONE THING PRESIDENT BONE SPURS FEARS MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE!
Coming soon to a drive-in near you:
THE RETURN OF COMET EPSTEIN!
It keeps coming back, over and over again! Why won’t it go away and leave poor Donald alone? Why can’t he make anyone look away at the many distractions he offers us, his loyal legions of MAGA followers?Are there any astrologers left over from the Reagan Administration around the White House?Surely this is a bad omen!
“I’M NOT DEAD YET!” — Mary, Queen of Scots, according to Monty Python. Godz bless you all, my brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles (except weird Uncle Albert whom we don’t talk about any more), and may Fortuna turn her bright and provident face upon you… and not let you see her break out laughing! Until next time, VIVE LA REVOLUTION!
“Hector,” a MAGA person, at work in the author’s bathroom.
I didn’t know, or care, who Charlie Kirk was until Tuesday afternoon, Sept. 9, 2025. I had just given myself a shot of Dupixent (for my skin condition), and was flipping through some YouTube videos when I came across a whole bunch of people fleeing a campus somewhere in Utah. The headline said somebody named Charlie Kirk, apparently another repulsive conservative firebrand, had just been shot in the neck by an apparent sharpshooter some 175 yards away, which is a pretty good shot, IMHO. And I don’t shoot anything — except pictures.
So another conservative asshole (real Republicans, like Barry Goldwater or William F. Buckley, having gone extinct when MAGA replaced them) preaching racism, sexism, religious intolerance and other SHIT, PURE UNADULTERATED BULLSHIT, to the delightfully uneducated, according to Herr Drumpf. Good riddance! Why should I care?
And then, a thought struck me rather hard: What are the conservative podcasters saying?
And then, a thought struck me rather hard: What are conservative commentators saying?
I watched about five of them, and they were all saying the same thing: “WE ARE NOW AT WAR WITH THE LIBERALS! CHARLIE, OUR BELOVED LI’L CHARLIE, WAS OBVIOUSLY ASSASSINATED BY A WOKE, LEFT-WINGLIBERALLUNATIC SPOUTING TRANSEXUALDOGMA! ALL LIBERALS DESERVE TO DIE!!!”
Well! That sure got my attention! Especially when El Presidente T.A.C.O. added his stamp of official outrage to the overflowing hate blender! https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Sa_Cp9fwBoc
Let me tell you, after that I was quaking in my boots, size 8-1/2 waffle stompers! But what could I, one lonely, radical democratic socialist-futurist zoophile do to “lower the temperature,” as the politicos put it, other than turn down the thermostat on my new central air conditioner and handler, installed after a year of sweltering heat by Charlotte County Human Services, Family Services Center? How could I, a specialist in public relations, use my talents to get the message out that I, and other liberals, didn’t kill Charlie Kirk, had no plans to do so, and were now being blamed for his murder with absolutely no proof except that most liberal commentators had called him on his Krakatoa of pure hatred, intolerance and bullshit?
I’ll let you in on a little secret: I know a MAGA! And we were, for a while, kinda, sorta, friendly. For a while.
I didn’t realize this guy was a slavering MAGA type at first, he seemed almost normal. He owns two houses, one out near where I used to live, in a trailer on Swaying Palm Drive in Punta Gorda. As a matter of fact, he and my friend Dave are next-door neighbors! And then he built, and owns, and usually stays at, a house on the block behind me. I don’t want to identify him, so I’ll just call him Hector, which I assure you is not his name and never has been.
My knowledge of Hector was casual, until about 6 months ago, when a couple of conversations revealed the depth of his dexterous (meaning right-handed) political affiliations. That was a strike against him. On the plus side, Hector, who made his living giving totally upfront massages (you have to be licensed in Florida) and small home repairs, could provide me with trips to the nearest store when it was too hot outside to ride my tricycle. He also was a bed-time stoner, who smoked pot only because (he claimed) it helped him get to sleep. Me, I smoke pot to stay awake, but whatever, Hector proved to be a rather generous fellow who didn’t mind loaning me a little money now and then to replenish my, and his, stash. Although we had a couple of rather strident arguments about politics, we both managed by mutual consent to mostly stay away from that topic, so I found it a rather convenient relationship, from my point of view. And my strident defense of liberalism, the validity of the press at large, and equal rights for all was at least being heard — but sometimes it just amused Hector no end, and once he laughed in my face. I left immediately, but I was steamed.
At that point, I told him, “You can own me, or we can be friends. Which is it?” And it seemed like he chose to be friends. And everything was daffodils and unicorns between me and Hector… until dumb old Charlie Kirk got himself killed, just as he was answering a question about gun violence in America (Kirk being of the distinctly minority opinion that a few mass shootings every now and then are a small, and worthwhile, price to pay for the 2nd Amendment!).
So what follows is a text conversation I had with Hector the day Kirk was shot. I am presenting it as it went, without editing or editorializing. I think every word, both Hector’s and mine, speak clearly for our differences in opinions and values. We were raised very differently (hell, my raising was different from just about EVERYBODY ELSE), and we have different life experiences and different ways of confronting stress and solving our problems. What I think Hector’s responses make clear is his existence in a bubble where there is only one reliable news source: THE WHITE HOUSE! They inform Faux News, which repeats it into the echo chamber of the right-wing Blog-O-Sphere, which reiterates slight truths, half-truths and damnable falsehoods with equal vigor and certitude! So here it is, my last attempt a a sane, sober and rational conversation with a MAGA cultist… because that’s what they are. The conversation begins in the afternoon, while Hector was out at a massage, and picks up there.
Me, Thursday 9:01 a.m. Good morning. I just wanted to let you know, I didn’t shoot Charley (sic) Kirk!
Me, 2:28 p.m., after watching more videos: Charlie.
Me, 4:34 p.m. Hey, give me a call when you’re home? I find Kirk’s murder very disturbing, and what’s being said about it, even more disturbing.
Hector, 5:41 p.m. I am home. And yes the whole thing from the beginning to the end is disturbing and I cannot believe that anybody connected with any of these people would maintain any kind of a friendship they are absolute ghouls and have no respect for anybody’s life because you disagree with what they’re saying!!!!! The Democratic party has turned out to be the party of death and destruction, chaos and barbarism and they think somebody who is a father and a husband who just got murdered is a feather in their hat there’s a lot of mental health in that group and the Democrats have done nothing but encourage it!!! Everyone that isn’t any position of power in the Democratic party has called Donald Trump a Hitler, a fascist, a racist, a communist and at this point I want Donald Trump to designate the Democratic party as a terror group!!!! One person and only one person died at the Capitol that was spurred on by Nancy pelosi who actually admitted she was ultimately responsible for that Trump had called for the national guard the day before and she refused to do it. The one person who died was shot by a capital police man who wasn’t identified until 2 years later the person he shot and killed was Ashley Bobbitt but the Democratic party just keeps repeating the lies that they know are lies and stirring up the retarded people who will do their bidding for them. The conservatives are at a turning point and we’re on the edge of a civil war and it won’t be the north against the South it will be neighbor against neighbor based solely on what they believe. Has the saying goes it’s not all of them but it’s always them!!
And yes I am pissed he was a good man and people laugh about this and encourage more of this behavior!
I cannot think of one time where there was a MAGA Mass shooter the liberals seem to prop up all of their mentally ill retards and have them do their dirty work and say “It’s because of MAGA”
You’re (sic) idiot leaders thin that men stand for trans women and men can menstruate and men can get pregnant! They didn’t kill him for his hate preach they killed him for speech and they hated!
Me, in reply: Hector, I’m a Democrat, and what you are hearing about Democrats is doing what President Trump intended it to do: making you mad at somebody, when we don’t even know what political persuasion the shooter was or who he was. Most of the shooters at President Trump if you remember or (sic) Republicans. Who did not agree with him over something. my life and my job when I had one were devoted to freedom of speech. I don’t believe in killing people because you don’t like their ideas, I believe in putting forth better ideas in better language. So please calm down and let’s talk about this if we can?
Do you remember Donald Trump saying he could shoot somebody on fifth Avenue and not get arrested for it? Remembering to pay the lawyer’s bills of people at his rallies who beat up protesters? The Democrats have not been the source of the violence here Hector. It was not Mitch McConnell’s wife who got hit over the head with a hammer, but Nancy Pelosi’s husband.
Hector, in reply: (REPEATS FIRST TWO PARAGRAPHS, ABOVE.)
Me, in reply: But, you are responding exactly the way Trump wants you to. So if you believe that’s a good thing, more power to you. I don’t. Because it frightens me to be accused of something I never did, never felt, and don’t believe in.
Hector, in reply: The Democrats were the first ones to center speech using the internet and the FBI went to Mark Zuckerberg and told them what could be allowed to be said and what not to be said pretty much anything that somebody who was a conservative was silenced from day one of Joe biden’s sad presidency
Me, in reply: I had absolutely no idea who Charlie Kirk was or what he stood for until yesterday afternoon.
Hector, in reply: (REPEATS THIRD PARAGRAPH, ABOVE.)
Trump has no influence on how I feel it’s called the difference between right and wrong Charlie Kirk was executed and murdered and yesterday they started dancing on his grave and making fun of him if I was a Democrat I would dis associate myself from that
(REPEATS FOURTH PARAGRAPH, ABOVE.)
Me, in reply: Untrue. Zuckerberg has loosened his standards because conservatives claim they were being censored! Do they own social media? Zuckerberg does, and as the owner, you can post whatever he wants up there. Total untruths if he wants them. He chose to publish a lot of information or to allow others to publish the information. I shouldn’t say that was profoundly negative about Trump. And conservatives didn’t like it. And they basically forced Zuckerberg who you remember was standing behind Trump at his inauguration to give them a platform to spread their “news,” which is product predominantly half truth and hate.
All the Democrats I have heard have publicly expressed shock and outrage at this murder! Democrats as a party have long stood for freedom of speech, even unpopular speech because unpopular speech is the most important kind.
If you could name any of the sites or tell me what sites have shown Democrats making fun of this or trivializing it or using it as a political weapon please tell me because I would like to see who is doing this. It would outrage me too if I knew that some Democrats were doing it because I’ve heard just the oppositefrom people I trust in the news.
In the conservative commentary, I have heard about this. I haven’t heard any Democrats making fun of it laughing at it trivializing it or using it as a political weapon. I’ve heard lots of Republicans condemning Democrats and saying that we are now at war with Democrats because they think a Democrat did this and I say hold on! Hold on! We Democrats are beginning to sound a lot like the Jews of Nazi Germany and that makes me very, very frightened.
Hector, in reply: You have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about you’re just another Democratic zombie whatever the party says that’s what you believe I was outside painting a house and it was all unfolding when they de platformed Trump that’s why he created truth social and that was on and that was on… Unfortunately I do not remember the name of that platform anymore. But I can tell you you’re absolutely wrong the FBI went to Mark Zuckerberg and later on he had to admit that they had done that!
Me, in reply: Please site (sic) a new story I can read about it? Who did Z admit it to?
Hector, in reply: No the Democrats are sounding exactly like Hitler in Nazi Germany it was just like the movie 1984 with the ministry of Truth. (NOTE: Hector and I watched several feature films together, and the 1950’s British production of Orwell’s 1984,which he’d heard of but never seen nor read the book, was the next to last one. The last one? Kubrick’s Paths of Glory.)
Me, in reply: The Democrats are not in power, my friend.
Hector, in reply: He admitted that the FBI had come to him and asked him forcefully to (remove from? — MJB) the platform Trump and any Trump supporters
Me, in reply: Source?
Hector, in reply: I’m not saying anybody that I know can control these morons but you have to at least see that it’s their rhetoric that is causing all of these problems!
I will Google that.
Me, in reply: I don’t, sadly. Not with my president declaring war on my political party, NO.
And they aren’t morons, they’re people just like you except they have different ideas about what makes America great.
The only thing that matters to me about what Trump says is that you’re swallowing it whole. Again, you swallow camels, and choke on gnats. You need to stop & think carefully about what you are saying.
Hector, in reply: You have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about you’re just another Democratic zombie whatever the party says that’s what you believe I was outside painting a house and it was all unfolding when they de platformed Trump that’s why he created truth social and that was on and that was on… Unfortunately I do not remember the name of that platform anymore. But I can tell you you’re absolutely wrong the FBI went to Mark Zuckerberg and later on he had to admit that they had done that!
No the Democrats are sounding exactly like Hitler in Nazi Germany it was just like the movie 1984 with the ministry of Truth.
He admitted that the FBI had come to him and asked him forcefully to the platform Trump and any Trump supporters
(NOTE: It was only while reformatting this conversation for the Web that I realized Hector is repeating the same words, phrases and paragraphs many times! This makes his argument seem longer than it really is, but it also makes him seem like a photocopy machine, and I wonder what was going through his head! Did he think he could bludgeon me with his rants if he repeated them often enough?)
Me, in reply: Democrats don’t time-travel, either. And if Donald Trump worked for the FBI to expose Epstein, there should be a dossier of everything that he discovered so let’s see it? Where is it? Why isn’t he being celebrated for exposing a pedophile? Oh, he didn’t expose a pedophile. My bad!
Hector, in reply: I’m not saying anybody that I know can control these morons but you have to at least see that it’s their rhetoric that is causing all of these problems!
I will Google that.
Me, in reply: Think hard before you speak, Hector. Remember, RU-TV (the government-controlled Russian TV network) happily reported Russian foreign minister Sergei Lavrov cheerfully announced that Tulsi Gabbard are now working for them, but I’ve never gotten any checks from Moscow.
Hector, in reply: It was Twitter not Google or Facebook and they’re not people like me I certainly wouldn’t put myself in a position where I would go to jail for anything for anybody
Me, in reply: Tulsi & Trump, in fact.
I wouldn’t call Twitter, a reliable source for any news at all.
Hector, not repeating himself: Once again they cheerfully report their narrative. But Facebook did cover up the hunter Biden laptop that happened to come up when I was looking up the other thing
Trump hasn’t really said anything controversial at all since Charlie Kirk got shot
Me, in reply: So which Democrat is making fun of CK’s murder? Hubs (Hunter Biden’s) laptop is a very dead issue, as his dad isn’t president anymore.
But, he can still live rent free in Trump’s head! And have you seen his face today? It looks like he’s had a stroke which is affected the right side of his face. My mother had these strokes, and I recognize the expression.
The only people Trump can forgive for committing actual crimes are the 1500 who attacked the capital (sic) building on January 6. They’re the only ones who have ever had anything resembling sympathy from him and a lot of of them, I hear, have been re-arrested for various crimes. Not a great argument for their virtue. And remember, they were ready to hang Mike Pence for the simple reason that he disagreed with Trump. Hang Mike Pence. Hang Mike Pence! Think about it. Think about it.
Hector, in reply: It was Twitter not Google or Facebook and they’re not people like me I certainly wouldn’t put myself in a position where I would go to jail for anything for anybody
(This is getting creepy! I don’t believe this file on my computer has been tampered with, the idea is pretty absurd, but I don’t remember this much sheer repetition in Hector’s messages when I was reading them the first time! The content seems to have been replaced, but I was emotionally wrought and may not be remembering them clearly. I am not putting any words into Hector’s mouth, just copying and pasting the conversation from what is in my Messages folder.)
Me, in reply: And remember all those Republicans you were so upset after the attack on the capital building? They fell right into line and kissed Trump’s ass at the first available opportunity because they were scared that they would lose their six figure jobs and all their perks if they lost an election and then they’d have to do some honest work. Which doesn’t seem to suit conservatives well at all. They prefer to make their money off people like you and me working hard for them. Don’t you see?
Hector, in reply: Once again they cheerfully report their narrative. But Facebook did cover up the hunter Biden laptop that happened to come up when I was looking up the other thing
Trump hasn’t really said anything controversial at all since Charlie Kirk got shot
The Democrats have had the Epstein files for 4 years or so if there was anything in there about Donald Trump it would have been exposed. Look up the moment of silence for Charlie Kirk which turns into a shouting match on the house floor, that’s pretty disgusting (I did, CK got his moment of silence without interruption. Afterward, some Congresswoman began shouting what an ass he was, but she was just telling the truth. Causing minor disorder on the floor of Congress, guilty.)
And yes there were some people there at the Capitol that did commit crimes but there were a lot of people there who are ushered in by the capital police it had nothing to do with that riot and they got their lives ruined
Me, in reply: You’re assuming that the Democrats have the same values as the Republican Party/MAGA, which they don’t. Epstein was dead. Maxwell was in jail and Biden probably had more pressing problems to deal with at the time. Like the war in Ukraine. Or Israel bombing Gaza to smithereens. Little things like that. Besides it’s been the Republicans who have been chanting about the Epstein files because they thought a lot of Democrats would get swept up in them. Surprise! The leopard eats your face too!
You again believe a lie. Have you ever watched the whole thing? The whole riot? Those people were enraged as they marched towards the capital and the capital police tried their hardest to stop them and they got beaten and crushed and bear sprayed for their efforts two of them I believe died And the story that they were just there to see the capital is frankly bullshit, Dave, bullshit bullshit, bullshit. And I’m surprised that a smart guy like you can be easily made to believe so much bullshit.
Why is that? Have you got a thing for woman-hating race-baiting riot-inciting pedophiles?
“Funny, you don’t LOOK Jewish…”
Just asking the question.
Hector, in reply: LOL!!
And yes there were some people there at the Capitol that did commit crimes but there were a lot of people there who are ushered in by the capital police it had nothing to do with that riot and they got their lives ruined
Me, in reply: Glad you’re amused by my ethnic humor. Good night.
Hector, in reply: Thank you for the distraction! You have a good night also!
Me, in reply: Sorry you feel that my need to talk about the murder of a conservative spokesman was a distraction. It’s been more than a distraction to me. Good night again.
Me, continuing: Pelosi has no power over the National Guard in D.C., so what you heard is more BS. The WH waited 5 hours before deploying them. Those are the facts, according to Snopes, which most reporters, Republican & Democrat, depend on for fact-checking.
Me, concluding: I just wanted to tell you it’s too soon to jump to conclusions that investigators haven’t reached yet, but I’m rather glad you want to be by yourself tonight.
Hector, in reply: Are those two snopes things that you showed me we’re simply entertainment! And yes somebody I want to say it was a relative of hers taped her saying that she was ultimately responsible well after the fact
Me, in reply: Prove it. Play the recording for me. Snopes is NOT entertainment, they are the standard for fact-checking in English whether that suits you or not. Another camel you have swallowed, my brother! Don’t you ever get indigestion?
🐪🐪🐪
You’re believing rumors, and you’re not even asking anybody to prove them!
Hector, in reply: On both of those Snopes things you showed me at the end of the article it said there was a lot of hearsay and rumors I did highlight them and I still have them
Me, in reply: Scuttlebutt, innuendo, falsehoods and truly ridiculous things. They fit your narrative, which is why you don’t question them.
Hector, in reply: Google, was Nancy pelosi responsible for deploying the national guard which Donald Trump did ask for a couple of days in advance she was the speaker of the house and it was her responsibility I just read the article although there are conflicting articles the one I was reading was KOMO
Me, in reply: And your narrative, like it or not, is that you in particular and conservatives in general and MAGA, especially, are the victims of a vast conspiratorial underground, dark plot to do away with American values and destroy the country as you knew it. Which is the most preposterous piece of bullshit of all.
Hector, in reply: Yes that’s exactly why Joe Biden crashed the economy and wanted all the illegals in to boost his voter base Governor pritzker just admitted that
Me, in reply: If “destroying the country” means treating white people the same as Black people, brown people, yellow people or red people then yes, we are out to destroy the country. If it means giving women reproductive control over their own bodies, then yes, we are out to destroy the country. If it means replacing sources of energy you’d like cold (sic) and oil is that foul the air Was (with) inexpensive, natural sources of energy, like sunlight and wind, then yes, we are destroying the country. If it means trying to protect the populous from a deadly plague that is threatening us, then that means we are destroying the country. There are many more things we can do to destroy this country. Would you like me to list them?
No, the governor Pritzker did not come, because that’s not what happened.
And it’s totally preposterous of you to say that without giving me further proof of anything.
Hector, in reply: That’s why Governor trickster didn’t want Trump coming in to Chicago he flat said it.
Me, in reply: Of course not. The National Guard fights wars, they aren’t trained to do police work.
Hector, in reply: It’s pretty much all on the internet if you have any interest in looking it up I do have other things I need to get done tonight but thank you for the entertainment, it has made me feel better
Well the carjacking the murders and the crime has certainly gone down in DC and there’s plenty of videos thanking Donald Trump along with the mayor
Me, in reply: Trump threatened him with war. “Apocalypse now!” Why should he welcome that? Trump has taken a hostile view towards a city that is just trying to do the best it can. And I predict that sending the National Guard will only make things worse. But of course, Trump knows everything and he’s always right. So I’m sure this will work out just fine.
Chipocalypse Now.
Again, goodnight. Who will tell you jokes when they take me away?
Goodnight, Hector.
🌔
Hector, in reply: That’s a good point!! As far as the national guard goes and ice goes people who have their documentation aren’t being taken away. These people came here with no due process they go out the same. But they do need to get the crime and the murders down it’s a matter of as they say f*** around and find out!!
Good night! You did make me laugh!! And I really needed that!
Me, in reply: 70% of the residents of Alligator Alcatraz had committed no crimes. And illegal immigrants commit less crimes than natural-born citizens. Why would they? They don’t want to get deported! They want to stay, even tho’ they pay Social Security taxes & don’t get any benefits. Again, THINK, Hector! Your god gave you 3 lbs. of brains, you might want to give them some exercise occasionally.
And if you find what I’m trying to talk with you about funny, then we really have nothing more to talk about. Finally. Good night.
Hector, concluding: Of course they committed crimes they’re here illegally they came in without due process they go out without due process what part of illegal don’t you understand even the people who come here legally angry about this they had to wait they had to go to school they had to do what was required to become a citizen. Under Joe Biden these people were being put up in luxury hotels that they were destroying giving them cell phones, medical Care and on and on and on. While Medicare is going bankrupt and they ruined the housing market and the vacation market pissing and s******* in the streets not to mention the crime and the rape in the murder and where are the actual statistics that says they commit less crime than people who are citizens I hear it being said a lot but I’ve never heard a figure. Oh and furthermore I love petroleum fuel obviously nobody or should I say the general public does not want electric cars they don’t go far enough and where does the electricity come from oh well there goes your electricity bills not to mention the insurance companies wouldn’t allow you to park them in the garage because they were such a fire hazard and once again on and on and on
Me, concluding: You know what?
You don’t know when to shut up.
So I’m telling you, SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH, YOU PIECE OF WHITE TRASH.
I’m done trying to befriend you. And if I ever ask you for any favor, just laugh in my face and tell me how funny I sound.
That last, furious insult, which I could no longer withhold, just tumbled out of me, and I don’t regret it in the least — at least, not yet! But Hector WAS behaving like a piece of “white trash,” that category of low class, low-income Caucasians whose only boast to adequacy in the world, for whatever reason, is that, through no fault of their own, they think they’re better than some other, “lower, lesser,” race. What a shameful thing to have to admit!
So now I no longer visit Hector, nor wave at him when I see him sitting out on the narrow porch of his house, which he boasted that he built. I don’t ask him for rides to Publix, Walmart or Curaleaf, and when I walk Epic, I don’t go down his street anymore. You see, I know Hector has several firearms, and like to boast about how he helps women in threatening domestic violence situations select the right firearm for self-defense. I, on the other hand, own no guns. I do own a very lovely, Sheffield steel replica British WWI Commando dagger, which I purchased to use as an athamé (knife used in Wiccan rituals). But yes, I do know better than to bring a knife to a gun fight.
So there you have it, readers. If you try to reason with a person who has been indoctrinated into the MAGA cult, my experience shows that although they may be friendly to you personally, for whatever reason (I’m half Jewish, and Hector likes Jews and Israel), you must balance that with their rage at the parties they hate (in Hector’s case, Muslims, Blacks, Hispanics and unfaithful women), and live with the realization that these people can turn on a dime, and focus their hate, their rage, and their unjustifiable violence on you.
Please don’t let anything happen to you! Take precautions, carry pepper spray (a cheap, wonderful, non-lethal antipersonnel weapon), be aware of your surroundings. Don’t engage these people, MAGA, at home or on the streets. When they say they are going to war with “left-wing liberal lunatics,” I take them at their word, and you should too. I hope it doesn’t come to this, but my trust in the democratic institutions of America has been trashed by the ruthless Trump Regime and his authoritarian implementation of Plan 2025.
As the famous 1950’s early television documentarian Edward R. Murrow used to sign off, with absolutely no trace of irony, “Good night, and good luck.”
Brooke Rollins, Secretary of Agriculture under King Donald the Last.
The following email, apparently from the late author Malcolm J. Brenner, was found on the computer of Dr. Randall Wells, co-founder and director of the Sarasota Dolphin Research Program.
Dear Randy,
It’s been a while since we’ve corresponded, but in my ramblings in dark, dank corners of the Interweb, where even the brave dare not go but fools like me rush in, I found something is pending in the government of which I MUST make you, and hopefully through you every marine mammalogist and cognitive psychologist in the business, AWARE OF!
This shocking revelation will rattle dolphinology to its muddy, mucky foundations!
I have it on deep, deep — VERY deep! — background, from utterly trustworthy, irrefutable sources which must remain anonymous due to threats to their security — that Trump’s appointee to run the Department of Agriculture, Brooke Rollins, has decided that all the creatures hitherto known as Cetaceans are now going to be re-classified as Fish! And the scientific community, eager to keep their grants going, is apparently falling into line behind her! This in keeping with presidential re-naming the Gulf of Mexico (America), the Department of Defense (War), right and wrong, hot and cold, day and night, etc.
Justifying this radical decision, Ms. Rollins cited the great American author Herman Melville, who declared it so in his Moby Dick.“Melville lived among cannibals so he could write this book,” Ms Rollins said. (She didn’t mention that he jumped off a whaling ship to live among the cannibals, and said he preferred their company to that of whalers!)
And if I remember the abridged version of that novel which I read at our beloved alma mater Riverview HS, Melville IS of the opinion that the whale IS a fish, and damn all those long-haired scientists who maintain that since it has lungs, breathes air, is warm-blooded, bears live young and suckles them, it’s a mammal! They’ve had their noses in erudite books all their lives, whereas Melville had his nose stuck in the guts of a whale, and if Melville said it, Trump & Ms. Rollins believe it, and THAT SETTLES IT!
I sincerely hope this doesn’t disturb you too much, but there’s more. I could tell you, but then something might… just a second, someone’s at the door… BRB…
Thank you very much, Dr. Wells, for all you’ve done for those creatures formerly known as marine mammals. It’s been nice meeting you, even under such misfortunate circumstances as have apparently occurred to Mr. Brenner. It seems his iMac (! Was he asking for trouble or what?) burst into flames, consuming him, all his computer files, his residence, and all remaining copies of his works.
Let me assure you, ATF will conduct a full and thorough investigation into this matter and find the culprit, even unto the ends of the Earth! One theory, that Mr. Brenner was trying to run Windows on a Mac, has been discredited by members of his family. “Malcolm would never be THAT stupid,” they said, on guarantee of remaining deep background. (We trust you, so their names are Sally and Hugh.)
Peace be with you and the Chicago Zoological Society, Dr. Wells! Let me re-assure you, just go along with the reclassification of dolphins as fish, and all will be well for you and the Santaroga Dolphin Rehabilitation Project!
Sincerely yours, Ms. Brooke Rollins, Secretary of Agriculture and modern embodiment of the Goddess Ceres.
(Note: Dr. Wells’ mysterious disappearance is attributed to his reported abduction by a pod of dolphins after he fell out of his survey boat, their motives a total mystery. The search continues.)
The Awful, uh, Author, as photographed by my daughter’s ex-boyfriend, who was an OK photographer but sort of abusive to her, and for that reason, no credit for him!I’d just be defaming him, anyhow.
I’m excited to announce that BOTH of my books, Wet Goddess: Recollections of a Dolphin Lover, and Growing Up in the Orgone Box: Secrets of a Reichian Childhood, will be available as part of a promotion on Smashwords for the month of July as part of their Annual Summer/Winter Sale! This is a chance to get my books, along with books from many other great authors, at a 50% discount, so you can get right to your summer reading!
(Image from YouTube by MINT. I don’t own the copyright, but I did just give you a free plug, MINT, for which I won’t charge you! Express your thanks later.)
Dear TACO Presidente,
If you join Israel’s war against Iran, you are a bigger idiot than I thought, and I didn’t think you could be a bigger idiot than you already are!
Since it was founded on land stolen from the Palestinians in 1948, Israel has been the tail that wags the American dog, and the 1967 attack on the USS Liberty, an American intelligence-gathering ship that was off the coast of Egypt at the time, proves it! The Liberty was flying a HUGE-HUGE!-HUGE US flag, and was repeatedly strafed by Israeli jets and torpedoed by Israeli gunboats! The Israeli government claimed “misidentification” and has never satifactorilly explained why or how.
Further evidence: In spite of the fact that NO IRAQIS were among the Sept. 9, 2001 highjackers, the US lied about Saddam Hussein’s “weapons of mass destruction,” and the US Army threw Iraq out of Kuwait largely so no Israelis would have to die doing the same dirty work!
Lest you think I am anti-Semitic, I am not, my father was a Jew who changed his last name from Cohen to Brenner on the advice of his teachers at MIT, so he could find a job in the electronics field! Although suffering tuberculosis, he served in the Signal Corps, operating a radar set on Iwo Jima shortly after the Marines took it. Likewise, my mother served in the Royal Air Force, helping Hurricane and Spitfire pilots recover from their wounds so they could go on and win the Battle of Britain!
I am loyal to the Constitution of the USA, and the values of my country, and YOU, PRESIDENTE LOSER NUMERO UNO, ARE NOT! If you involve us in another war halfway around the world, even by just dropping the MOAB on lranian nuclear plants, you will infuriate your MAGA “America First!” base, enrage the American public at large, unify the Iranian people behind their illegitimate Islamo-Fascist leadership, which was about to topple, and contaminate a HUGE-HUGE!-HUGE (I know how much you like that word, even though you drop the H like my Yorkshire mother did when she got mad) sector of the Middle East with nuclear radiation the will make Chernobyl look like a mud puddle in comparison!
Not to mention that we had a fine, anti-nuclear-weapons treaty with Iran from 2015 until May 8, 2018, when you, Bobblehead, took the US out, SOLELY BECAUSE THE DEAL HAD BEEN NEGOTIATED BY A DEMOCRAT, and the accords COLLAPSED! That led directly to Iran re-starting their nuclear enrichment program, and this mess which ISRAEL IS BEGGING US TO JOIN, NOW!
DON’T DO IT, DONALD, unless YOU want to be REMEMBERED as the Lyndon Johnson of the 21st Century! Future generations will curse you if you get us ensnarled in this mess, let the Israelis do their own fighting, for once! They can drop a small atomic bomb on those plants any time they want to, but they don’t want to tip their hand that they can destroy all their Arab neighbors in the time it takes an Israeli fighter jet to reach their capital cities! Could you live with that existential threat hanging over you?
NOW, show some discipline over your ICE thugs, or that the only recruits you get for those jobs will be thugs, degenerates or sadists — although maybe that’s what you want! I’d like to get you alone behind a closed door for just two minutes, Donny Boy. I’m 74 and have three chronic conditions, but in just two minutes, I’d show you what “getting your comeuppance” means! You are a sick, cruel, utterly vapid and dangerous person to have with your thumb on the Big Red Button, and the sooner you exit the White House the better, on your feet or feet first, I NO LONGER CARE! And take your pet rat, Shady Vance, with you, or the next inhabitant will have to call Truly Nolan Pest Control!
Hey Donnie Loser, looks like you and Barron just lost another one! I hear Harvard wouldn’t have him, and you couldn’t buy his way in, like your father bought you out of serving in Vietnam. So, so, sorry! Oh, the thought of Barron having to attend a plain old ORDINARY school with NORMAL KIDS in it who aren’t nearly as PRIVILEGED as he is, but ARE SMARTER, is so discouraging! Why, he might even have to attend USF, or FSU, or one of the other mediocre, common-place state schools we have here in Florida, where you make your little cozy nest at Mar-A-Logo.
But wait, all hope isn’t lost! Do you want to send Barron to an EXCLUSIVE school, an EXPENSIVE, school, with select students from all over the USA (but not too many Blacks, Hispanics, Asians, South Americans and other people from what you call SHIT HOLE COUNTRIES)? A school which has already been cleansed of dreadful WOKENESS by our thoughtful governor, Ron De Sanctimonious, you call him — at least, you called him that when he was campaigning against you, but I bet you don’t even know, or can’t articulate (that means spell out) what “sanctimonious” means, but one of your lackeys suggested it might be a good, mean name to call him. For the record, “sanctimonious” means flaunting your beliefs in public — just like you do, every day!
THE SOLUTION? Send Barron to NEW COLLEGE OF FLORIDA, now that De Santis has scrubbed it clean of any WOKE influences! You used to be able to graduate in three years, it took me five, but I got a little depressed after my lover committed suicide. So Barron should be able to just whiz through in record time! And SCHOLARSHIP? There never was any scholarship at New College, it was just a place for overly-moneyed, overly privileged white folks, mostly (because a lot of Blacks didn’t have the $10,000 a year it cost to send me there) to send their kids to keep them out of The Draft. And you DO remember the draft, 1965-1975 or so? Sure you do, because your daddy the Ku Klux Klan supporter paid a doctor to lie about your bone spurs! I really feel sorry for you, spending all that time on a hot tennis court while my brothers, abut whom you care less than nothing, were taking it easy, smoking weed, shooting smack and balling Vietnamese women, and occasionally killing the VC and NVA regulars who were overrunning that shockingly corrupt country. But that’s ancient history, with your bone spurs being medical mythology.
LOOK, Donbert, I ASSURE YOU THAT LI’L BARRON-DO WILL LEARN ABSOLUTELY NOTHING OF VALUE AT NEW COLLEGE! How do I know? They have a media lab that is 50 years old! They have elitist attitudes, just like you do, and their professors are mostly punks who are now so beat-down by the De Santis De-Construction that they couldn’t teach a mockingbird how to sing, just like they were when I graduated in 1974! One art professor would give only one kind of evaluation to 90% (that’s 9 out of 10, I know you’re weak on math) of his students, A SINGLE WORD: “SATISFACTORY.” But hey, you have all the good words, the best words, and that word is worth $10,000 a year when you’re learning steel plate engraving, or about the Fascist forces defense of the Alcazar during the Spanish Civil War — oh Donnyslopper, as one of the students said to me when I first entered old NC, “You had to be there!” The campus is right next to Sarasota Airport for quick get-aways, fronts on Sarasota Bay for amphibious landings, and I’m sure the Secret Service will obligingly send someone to guard Barron from the Iranians who are seeking to burn your fat white ass, among many others. But not me, I’m 74 and so mentally unstable I don’t even own a toy gun.
BEST OF ALL, Donald, do you know what the salaries of New College graduates are? THE LOWEST OF ALL THE SCHOOLS IN THE STATE, because they’re all worthless slackers, just like me — PERFECT FOR A LIFE OF CRIME and GRIFT, LIKE YOU!
Dry those Harvard tears, send Barron to NC and he’ll follow in your footsteps, ABSOLUTELY! 8647, 8647.
After watching the utterly humiliating spectacle of the first and second elected officials of the U.S.A. — Dumpty-Trumpty and Shady Jay-Dee, if you weren’t clear — acting like mid-level Mafia bosses putting the squeeze on some two-bit hood named Zelenskyy, the commentator Keith Olberman, who hosts the podcast Countdown, was really angry! He cursed the Deplorable Duo up one side and down the other for the pettiness, their meanness, and their fondness for mass murdering autocrats who enslave their people. And in all 28 minutes of this, toward the end, Olberman made a comment that reached out of the flat screen display and SLAPPED ME UPSIDE THE HEAD! This is it:
“Burn in Hell, Trump! I’d say the same to J.D. Vance, but I suspect he’s realized he’s already burning in Hell. HE WORKS FOR TRUMP!”
(CULINARY NOTE: Were you as puzzled as I was by the huge, obnoxious grease stain on the yellow Oval Office couch, next to Secretary of Defense Peter “Cottontail” Heggseth, in Trump’s shameful meeting with Zelenskyy on Friday? Well, scientists who analyzed the stain say that’s all that’s left of former U.S. Senator Marco Rubio (RRR-FL)! Once the least-voting resident of the Senate Chamber, who delighted in taking overseas junkets almost as much as Texas Sen. Teddy “Bare Bear” Cruz, Rubio somehow — rolling dice? Rock, paper, scissors? A tarot card reading? — got elected chairman of the Senate Intelligence Committee, which is kind of funny if you think about it. Because he’s got about the intelligence of a castrated bull. Sort of an ox-y moron! When HE was running for president, Rubio, a child of Cuban boat immigrants who put their dry feet in Miami, rightly lambasted Trump on a variety of issues, among them being close to Vlad the Impaler — excuse me, same guy, wrong century! But when Herr Drumpf won the primary, Rubio was at the head of the line to kiss His Royal Heinieness’s Ass, and got the coveted Secretary of State position! But, unlike J.D Vance, Rubio had a lower melting point, and it was apparently exceeded by the heat in the Oval Office while the two Elected Bullies were trying to turn up the heat on Zelenskyy, who, WARNED IN ADVCANCE by other European leaders, had apparently donned asbestos underwear as a precautionary measure. Smart move, Volodomyr!) SLAVA UKRAINE!
AI generated image to my specs, third try. Vance looks a little too Old Testament, but aside from that I think this captures Shady’s current career ladder rather well! Problem is, on that particular ladder he’s NOT ASCENDING… and funny thing, the further down he goes, the hotter the rungs get!
Yet another letter to our… king, I guess. He could be… McBeth? Where are the three wise women, and their coven of naked hag witches, when you NEED them? But even without them, I saw magic, bravery, and some utterly contemptuous behavior today. Here’s a letter I just sent to #45-47, AGAIN! He’s already in the whale shit that collects at the bottom of the Marianas Trench, so how much lower can he sink? STAY TUNED! (NOTE: The White House imposes a 4K limit on characters, and I have used ALL of mine!)
Photo: Saul Loeb, AFP. Body Language: Ukrainian!
Donald Dumpster Fire,
Wow, what a surprise I had today! I heard that you and Shady — you know, your Veep? — were meeting Ukrainian President Volodomyr Zelenskyy in the Oval Office, and of course I wanted to see your warm, charming, thoughtful, humanitarian diplomacy giving encouragement, money, resources and most importantly of all, powerful, precision, long-range American weapons, to the brave ex-televison personality (just like you, only not fat!) now called upon to lead his people in a totally defensive war against a large, bloodthirsty, ruthless and better-armed opponent who, TIME AND AGAIN, has oppressed, starved and murdered his people!
I expected to see YOUR LEADERSHIP ON DISPLAY! I expected to hear YOUR COMPASSION for a nation at war! And I expected you to CONGRATULATE President Zelenskyy on the bravery of his troops, the loyalty of the Ukrainian people, the skillful deployment of the weapons we sent him, and his resolution and valor in standing firm against the oppression of a murderous criminal madman!
Photo: Associated Press — HEY! Who the hell let THEM in?
You (not Zelensky, there was just 1 Ukrainian reporter in the room, you could tell who she was because her makeup was running like Rudy Giuliani’s hair dye) must’ve had about 1K cameras in there to cover the event for posterity, but a moment after I tuned in the broadcast on one of those bleeding-heart networks I watch, SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPENED!
I think my TV must have picked up an old episode of “Little Rascals” or “Leave it to Beaver,” because suddenly everything became B&W and what I was watching, changed! Now the show was of two nasty playground bullies, a fat, misshapen, ugly 6th grader named Donald and his accomplice, a 5th grader with 5 o’clock shadow named… hey, what does the J stand for in your Veep’s first name? I can’t be bothered to remember — JD, and they were harassing a tough little 4 grader named Vlodny, dressed all in black, for his lunch money!
“YOU DON’T HOLD ANY CARDS,” the lard-bucket Donnie thundered, trying but failing to sound bad-ass. “We’re not playing cards,” Vlodny said. “YOU HAVEN’T TOLD US HOW THANKFUL YOU ARE FOR TO US FOR NOT BEATING YOU UP!” JD whined, sounding like a weasel caught in a leg trap. “YEAH, AND YOU OWE US 350 BILLION, JILLION, TRILLION DOLLARS,” that lying little bastard Donald said, spitting saliva all over Vlodny’s black clothes.
[Image generated by AI. It only took 3 tries! And no apologies, this time.]
At that point, you know what I really, really wanted Vlodny to do? GET UP AND PUNCH DONALD IN THE FACE, AND BITCH-SLAP SHADY! Then leave.
But strangest of all was THE HAND UP DONNY’S BUTT, like he was a puppet! And why did it smell like borscht? And then the screen went blank.
In conclusion: Since your repeated so many of Putin’s talking points on Ukraine, I conclude that you and your whole administration are RUSSIAN OPERATIVES, doing what the Soviet Union couldn’t do with force: YOU ARE DESTROYING AMERICA FROM WITHIN!
Ye Gods, Putin must have some hella-good COMPROMAT ON YOU! I’m telling my reps in Congress to seek a 25 Amendment solution to you, and if that doesn’t work, I hope some civic-minded citizen will sacrifice him or herself to perform a 2nd Amendment solution. Not me, I’m 73, suffer 3 debilitating diseases, and don’t travel. But you do, and I hope Air Force Onecrashes in the ocean with you aboard. Shame to kill those great pilots, stewards and staff, but remembering Timothy McVay, they would be merely “COLLATERAL DAMAGE.”
I am buying a bottle of good champagne and saving it for the day you loose your office, your power, your hostility to the America my parents fought to defend, what little honor you imagined you had, your “face” (Japanese) and if it comes to that, your worthless life, LOSER!
You & JD have embarrassed me, the American government, and all our former friends and allies abroad. Although I’m an atheist, I think we should open room in Hell just for you. It could be a new theme ride at Disneyland!
Truly yours, Malcolm J. Brenner, and no, ELON CANNOT HAVE MY SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER!!
Malcolm J. Brenner 