American President Donald J. Trump, 34-count convicted felon and sexual offender, glares angrily from his mug shot. Photographer: Some Fulton County, Georgia, cop!
The one certain thing you can say about President Donald Trump is that he changes his mind more often than he changes his diaper!
The Prez thinks it’s fun to have his $$-multi-billion Navy, built to battle Soviet submarines, blow up Venezuelan fishing boats on the high seas! Gee, what WAS in those white bags aboard the first boat, the one Trump said was loaded with fentanyl and Tren De Aragua drug dealers, headed for our shores? We’ll never know, but it doesn’t matter, because YOU’RE A MADE MAN NOW, Presidente El T.A.C.O!
In preparation for the 2026 mid-term elections, Trump thoughtfully sends National Guard troops into predominantly Black-run cities to maintain law and order, preserve the peace and MOST IMPORTANTLY, to keep the minorities from exercising their voting rights, STUPIDLY assured them by a damn fool WOKE Congress in 1964!
Secretary of Health RFK Jr. thinks he feels the tapeworm moving… again.
Having bravely faced down the COVID-19 virus with Operation Warp Speed in 2019, Trump appoints RFK Jr., a man with a dead pork tape worm rotting in his brain, which he got from carelessly dining in an East Indian slop house, to be Secretary of Health! RFK Jr., in turn, reports that he has finally determined the mysterious cause of autism! Trump announces it — “aceto… asseto… ackeeto… how do you pronounce that? TYLENOL!” (Note: widely disproved by actual science.)
Angry gangs of masked, heavily armed thugs, fearing no retribution, roam the streets of major American cities, grabbing people, some of them innocent American citizens who happen to be slightly darker than me, some foreign nationals with protected visa status but funny-sounding last names, and force them at gunpoint into unmarked vans, then imprison them in places like Alligator Alcatraz for days without communication, only to fly them to impossibly hostile foreign countries where they don’t speak the language and are held for ransom… oh, EXCUSE ME! That’s just Immigration and Customs Enforcement (I.C.E.) agents acting on orders of Steve Miller, Voldemort look-alike and new White House Chief of Policy, trying scrape up his MANDATORY DAILY QUOTA of 3,000 “illegal criminal aliens,” the so-called “WORST OF THE WORST” (or anybody who’s not, you know, sort of white-ish) to prosecute and deport, because we all know that the Democrats just let ILLEGALS come here in droves because they always vote Lunatic Lefty!
Vitriolic Charlie Kirk got his dumb ass shot dead, so now Trump wants to canonize him as the Patron Saint of Irrational Race Hatred, Misogyny and Indifference to the Suffering of Others. MAGA endorses it! The Pope, however, doesn’t. Shame!
MEANWHILE…
CBS Comic Stephen Colbert got his show cancelled for not being nice enough to Herr Drumpf, and for calling him bad, bad — they were, really, the WORST EVER — BAD names, and now Cinderella’s fairy godmother ABC has sprinkled Disney dust on Jimmy Kimmel, and made him go bye-bye, just like El T.A.C.O. Presidenté SAID HE WOULD! Wow… self-fulfilling prophecy, or what? Meanwhile, millions of previously faithful Disney viewers have cancelled their channel subscriptions, upset that the most powerful entertainment complex in the whole world is puckering up to KISS TRUMP’S ASS, costing Disney $$ millions! Unexpected consequences, Walt?
Pam Bondi, a fake blonde with fake brains but a huge loyalty to Herr Drumpf, receives an email from Da Prez, exhorting her to speed up the imprisonment of LIBERALS, ANY LIBERALS, she can dream up charges against! Especially the ones that really hurt him bad a decade ago, that he’s NEVER gotten over, like Hillary! Hunter! Schumer! Comey! Barr! Biden! Bolton! And the millions of deluded American voters who still believe the Demon-Rats Big Lie that TRUMP LOST THE 2020 ELECTION, so he just HAD to sic his mob of vicious, cop-beating deplorables on the Capitol, making every Republican in Congress who had previously supported him run like a scared chicken to the basement bomb shelter, after which they all denounced him… THEN, two weeks later, KISSED HIS ASS!
THIS JUST IN: Israeli bombs continue to fall on innocent Palestinians in Gaza, 65,000, mostly women and children, now dead. America announces $6 billion arms deal with the IDF! Keep the ordnance coming, Prez, and the Military-Industrial Complex will continue to support you! Precise but indiscriminate Russian cruise missiles kill children, soldiers and the elderly alike in Ukraine, while Trump diddles with Putin, granting him extensions during which he will murder more Ukrainians, and maybe some Poles or Moldovans, too, just for the heck of it!
…AND NOW PASSING THE ORBIT OF JUPITER, A HUGE… NOT COMET, NOT ASTEROID OR METEOR, NOT A BIRD, NOT A PLANE, NOT EVEN SUPERMAN, BUT SOMETHING… WEIRD, ANCIENT, POSSIBLY ARTIFICIAL AND GLOWING LIKE AN H.I.D. HEADLIGHT IS HEADED TOWARD THE INNER SOLAR SYSTEM, WHERE IT WILL SURVEY MARS, VENUS AND JUPITER! BUT EARTH WILL NOT BE IGNORED… FOR THIS IS THE ONE THING PRESIDENT BONE SPURS FEARS MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE!
Coming soon to a drive-in near you:
THE RETURN OF COMET EPSTEIN!
It keeps coming back, over and over again! Why won’t it go away and leave poor Donald alone? Why can’t he make anyone look away at the many distractions he offers us, his loyal legions of MAGA followers? Are there any astrologers left over from the Reagan Administration around the White House? Surely this is a bad omen!
“I’M NOT DEAD YET!” — Mary, Queen of Scots, according to Monty Python. Godz bless you all, my brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles (except weird Uncle Albert whom we don’t talk about any more), and may Fortuna turn her bright and provident face upon you… and not let you see her break out laughing! Until next time, VIVE LA REVOLUTION!
© Text 2025 Malcolm J. Brenner. Rights to images belong to the photographers, cartoonists or their agencies.
Malcolm J. Brenner 