TO THE WHITE HOUSE OCCUPANT:
Hey Donnie Loser, looks like you and Barron just lost another one! I hear Harvard wouldn’t have him, and you couldn’t buy his way in, like your father bought you out of serving in Vietnam. So, so, sorry! Oh, the thought of Barron having to attend a plain old ORDINARY school with NORMAL KIDS in it who aren’t nearly as PRIVILEGED as he is, but ARE SMARTER, is so discouraging! Why, he might even have to attend USF, or FSU, or one of the other mediocre, common-place state schools we have here in Florida, where you make your little cozy nest at Mar-A-Logo.
But wait, all hope isn’t lost! Do you want to send Barron to an EXCLUSIVE school, an EXPENSIVE, school, with select students from all over the USA (but not too many Blacks, Hispanics, Asians, South Americans and other people from what you call SHIT HOLE COUNTRIES)? A school which has already been cleansed of dreadful WOKENESS by our thoughtful governor, Ron De Sanctimonious, you call him — at least, you called him that when he was campaigning against you, but I bet you don’t even know, or can’t articulate (that means spell out) what “sanctimonious” means, but one of your lackeys suggested it might be a good, mean name to call him. For the record, “sanctimonious” means flaunting your beliefs in public — just like you do, every day!
THE SOLUTION? Send Barron to NEW COLLEGE OF FLORIDA, now that De Santis has scrubbed it clean of any WOKE influences! You used to be able to graduate in three years, it took me five, but I got a little depressed after my lover committed suicide. So Barron should be able to just whiz through in record time! And SCHOLARSHIP? There never was any scholarship at New College, it was just a place for overly-moneyed, overly privileged white folks, mostly (because a lot of Blacks didn’t have the $10,000 a year it cost to send me there) to send their kids to keep them out of The Draft. And you DO remember the draft, 1965-1975 or so? Sure you do, because your daddy the Ku Klux Klan supporter paid a doctor to lie about your bone spurs! I really feel sorry for you, spending all that time on a hot tennis court while my brothers, abut whom you care less than nothing, were taking it easy, smoking weed, shooting smack and balling Vietnamese women, and occasionally killing the VC and NVA regulars who were overrunning that shockingly corrupt country. But that’s ancient history, with your bone spurs being medical mythology.
LOOK, Donbert, I ASSURE YOU THAT LI’L BARRON-DO WILL LEARN ABSOLUTELY NOTHING OF VALUE AT NEW COLLEGE! How do I know? They have a media lab that is 50 years old! They have elitist attitudes, just like you do, and their professors are mostly punks who are now so beat-down by the De Santis De-Construction that they couldn’t teach a mockingbird how to sing, just like they were when I graduated in 1974! One art professor would give only one kind of evaluation to 90% (that’s 9 out of 10, I know you’re weak on math) of his students, A SINGLE WORD: “SATISFACTORY.” But hey, you have all the good words, the best words, and that word is worth $10,000 a year when you’re learning steel plate engraving, or about the Fascist forces defense of the Alcazar during the Spanish Civil War — oh Donnyslopper, as one of the students said to me when I first entered old NC, “You had to be there!” The campus is right next to Sarasota Airport for quick get-aways, fronts on Sarasota Bay for amphibious landings, and I’m sure the Secret Service will obligingly send someone to guard Barron from the Iranians who are seeking to burn your fat white ass, among many others. But not me, I’m 74 and so mentally unstable I don’t even own a toy gun.
BEST OF ALL, Donald, do you know what the salaries of New College graduates are? THE LOWEST OF ALL THE SCHOOLS IN THE STATE, because they’re all worthless slackers, just like me — PERFECT FOR A LIFE OF CRIME and GRIFT, LIKE YOU!
Dry those Harvard tears, send Barron to NC and he’ll follow in your footsteps, ABSOLUTELY! 8647, 8647.
Malcolm J. Brenner 